By Melissa Minners
Rascal: Mreow, you see, I’ve been rather depressed lately.
Therapist: And why do you think that is?
Rascal: Mreow, you see, lately I’ve gained quite a few pounds. It’s been affecting my arthritis…I can’t run as fast anymore. Can’t catch mice like I used to. Waterbugs are out of the question. It’s…mreow….
Therapist: Go on.
Rascal: It’s depressing.
Therapist: How so?
Rascal: I used to be king of the neighborhood. I was the phat cat. All the ladies loved me. And then…
Therapist: Yes?
Rascal: That damn woman – she had me snipped! Ever since that damn operation, I’ve been gaining weight! And mreow….mreow I can’t even get p***y anymore!
Therapist: Who?
Rascal: My mother!!!! She did this to me!!!
Therapist: I see.
Rascal: But then, this cool dude – my uncle – moved in with us. And we moved to a bigger place. Was really cool there. And me and my uncle got along really well.
Therapist: Really?
Rascal: He watches TV with me and talks to me…shares his magazines with me….lots of hot babes in there! MREOW MREOW!
Therapist: I see.
Rascal: But today…today…
Therapist: Yes?
Rascal: Today I…I fell through a chair!!!!
Therapist: What?!
Rascal: I fell through a chair! I was jumping onto the chair and it fell apart, okay?!
Therapist: (speaking behind a raised legal pad): And how did that make you feel?
Rascal: Mreow did I feel?! With my mother sitting there laughing at me? And my sister watching. And…and…
Therapist: Mhm?
Rascal: And my uncle was there and saw the whole thing!
Therapist: Well, I…I….I can’t hold it in any longer! MWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Rascal: And here I was pouring out my kitty heart and soul.
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